I had a dream that I was a new rookie Agent at the SCP Foundation. A more experienced Agent was showing me around.
The first thing he pointed out was that I should ignore database entries from Agent 5114. Apparently, this was not a real person, and was instead some kind of paranormal imitation phenomenon, designated SCP-5114. It had gotten into the Foundation database, so it generated new files that were similar to the files around it, dealing with cataloguing and containing paranormal phenomena. But the articles written by Agent 5114 made no sense at all, and were not about real things. Just ignore them. Apparently, Agent 5114 also physically manifested sometimes. A Mobile Task Force would be deployed to investigate a phenomenon, and while they were there, Agent 5114 would appear and start acting like he was part of the Task Force, except he would just grab random things and start chattering about their supposed anomalous properties and how to contain them.
The Foundation was eventually able to contain SCP 5114 in this way: When he manifested in a Task Force one day, they never recalled that Task Force. Instead, members were just replaced on different shifts, and the Task Force was redeployed to a warehouse where the Foundation stored non-anomalous office supplies.
My escort introduced me to SCP 5114. I tried to have a conversation, but SCP 5114 was too busy taking apart a broken VCR and spouting off nonsensical containment procedures.
Next, my escort took me to an apartment (designated Site 84), where there was a chair. Whenever someone sat in the chair, they would not get out of the chair. No amount of force could move either the person or the chair. The person would still talk and act like themselves, but they required no food or water, and never needed to eliminate. If you asked them why they were sitting in the chair, they would say “I don’t want someone to take my seat. This is a good seat.”
In order to show me how dangerous SCP objects can be, my escort next showed me cemetery gate. If you go to the other side of the gate, you are now dead, but you don’t realize it and neither does anybody else. They just assume you’re still alive and continue interacting with you as though you are. You feel alive, and continue to do things, even though you’re not actually there - you’re actually lying dead in the cemetery. The cemetery was founded in the 1870s. In times past, you could go for a long time without anybody noticing that you were dead! However, you have no effect on machines. You don’t show up on cameras, you can’t drive cars, you can’t open automatic doors. If someone notices the discrepancy, they will suddenly realize you’re not there, and then so do you, and now you’re dead.
Then my escort showed me a lucky rabbit’s foot they had in containment. Before he was able to warn me not to touch it, I touched it. I now had a memetic infection: I now HATED rabbits, and would take every opportunity to bring this up.
Now, this is the sort of thing I could live with, but the Foundation decided that since I was compromised, I needed to be imprisoned and studied forever. Oops!!