I had a dream that I was kidnapped by a cult. We were in the cult leader’s house. I managed to escape. I got outside and found the police station. I told the police that I’d been captured by the cult, and that we should go back and save everybody else. The police detective was like “Really? Let’s go.” and when we got back there, she handed me back over to the cult leader, saying “Careful with this one.”

It turned out that the whole town was in on this.

In the cult, you had to submit to the hierarchy. There was the cult leader. There were lieutenants under him. The hierarchy was based on seniority.

The nice thing about submitting to the hierarchy, though, is that you didn’t age, and you didn’t have to eat or drink. So there’s that.

Eventually, they got to me. I started to sympathize with the cult, and identify with them. At one point, I even found a secret room full of mind control devices that they were using on us. But my mind was already under its control, so I was like “I should turn these off… But I bet we could use these machines to take over the white house! In fact, I’d probably get a better spot in the hierarchy if I suggest this!” So I suggested it.

I did not get to be in charge of that operation, though, like I wanted. That job fell to one of the lieutenants.

We went to the white house on some pretext and turned the mind control all the way up, so that they let us have a big party at the white house.

There was a talent show at the party. I was about to get on stage to do a comedy routine. I was thinking “I should be saving these people, not telling them jokes…” but I was not going to save them. I was under the cult’s control.

I woke up, though.