I had a dream that I thought it’d be fun, now that I’d taken statistics class, to see what kinds of statistics jobs were out there.

So I searched on the jobs website, and I found this one job that paid $92,000/yr. I was like “ha ha, whatever. I’m gonna send an application.” I didn’t even read the job description. Then, five minutes later, I got an email saying that I got the job. Not even an interview. I was like “Whaa? What the heck is this job, anyway?” It turned out it was as some sort of research assistant on a statistical surveying project.

The job description was kinda vague, so I decided to show up to interview them and see if this was something I wanted to do. Their headquarters was in this big building near some tenement apartments. I remembered that building from when I was looking at houses – it was this big ol’ thing with lots of rooms, and I thought it’d make a great co-op, but it had fallen into ruin, and I didn’t think I had the skills to fix it up, so I passed. (Note: In real life, the building I saw that fits this description was the Hotel Midwest. In my dream, it was a different building).

Well, it seems that in the time since I looked at it, someone else had bought it and fixed it up and even started a community there! They had public dinners on Thursdays, and it turns out that Megan and Sasha liked to go there to hang out.

But what was this group? A co-op? NO, it was a UFO CULT!

They were hiring people on behalf of the aliens. This is what the job really was: The aliens wanted to do a scientific study on humans. In order to get a scientific sample, they used alien technology to compile a list of the names of all humans, and then they would pick names randomly, and they had to abduct those specific people. Every person they picked had to be abducted, or it would bias the sample (perhaps the sample would turn out to contain fewer good runners than exist in the actual population!)

So, the “research assistant” position was that you would get a list of names, like a hit-man, and you’d have to track these people down and zap them with an alien device that would dematerialize them and store their quantum matrix in a jar. Then you bring that jar to the ufo cult who could give it back to the aliens.

And that’s why the job paid so much: They were looking for humans to betray their own kind!

I turned the job down. And then I was thinking, “should I report this to the police or something?” but then I decided that I admired their dedication to science, so I let it go.