In real life, Obama is speaking at UM graduation this weekend.

Last night, I had a dream that I was watching his speech on TV, and much to my surprise, he announced that he was ending the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq and that he was ending warrantless wiretapping and torture.

I didn’t even have to wake up in order to get disappointed. Even my dreams could not let this hope go without comment.

My dream continued, and I soon discovered that I was, in fact, watching a Saturday Night Live skit.

God damn it. There’s all those innocent civilians in my dream that are getting imaginarily killed and tortured. Can’t Imaginary Obama at least put a stop to that????