I had a dream that they finally built a cheap, fast, and extensive rail system. Anand and I were riding it around, just to see where it goes. We rode it quite far, and then Anand was like “dude, I gotta do stuff in the morning. I’m going home,” and I was like “No way, this train is so exciting.” So he went home and I kept riding.

I ended up in this jungle. Gawsh. This train must go very far. There’s no jungles anywhere near Ann Arbor. Well, that’s when I decided it was time to turn around, but the next train back wasn’t leaving till the morning. I would have to stay here this night.

I discovered that here in this jungle, a war was on. Furthermore, I discovered that I strongly believed that one side was more right than the other. Therefore, I decided to join their army.

I became their best soldier (somehow). They counted on me.

One day, we were fighting, and across the battlefield, my people warned me, was the enemy’s best soldier. I looked over there to see what I was up against. Holy shit, is that–? No, it couldn’t be… But it is. Samantha! Samantha is this (completely fictional, made up for the purposes of this dream) girl that I used to kiss. She totally broke up with me.

Well, she was such a good soldier that I was obviously going to have to take her out before the war could even progress. So I spent a lot of effort targeting her and trying different weapons. I didn’t even bother with their other soldiers. And she responded in kind. We were trying like crazy to kill each other, but we couldn’t, because we were equally matched as warriors.

However, the second rocket from my bazooka found purchase. I blew off her entire arm.

Holy shit! That was when I discovered that I was just shooting at her because I longed for her attention. I didn’t want to kill her at all.

So I threw down my weapons and ran across no-man’s-land, dodging bullets and whatnot. I grabbed her up and ran her back over to my side.

“Oh, good,” said my people. “You’ve got a prisoner.”

I completely ignored them and went and stole one of our planes. “C’mon, Samantha. We gotta get you out of this battlefield and get you to some serious medical care – someone that can actually treat you. A real hospital.”

“Of course, you do realize that it’s over between us,” she croaked.

“Of course,” I said. “Just, please stop bleeding.”