I had a dream that God built these elaborate tunnels with cool carvings under the surface of the earth, at the beginning of time. He also put these cookies there – more like a cookie bar/cake, with a cool frosting picture. The thing about the cookie, though, was that the first person to eat it was supposed to DIE.
I was Jesus.
God was like: “I’m gonna kill everyone on Earth,” and I was like: “What? Don’t kill the Israelites. They’re awesome,” and God was like: “Okay, okay. I won’t kill the Israelites. But YOU have to lead them into those caves for forty years,” and I was like: “all right.”
So I led the Israelites downstairs and we lived there. We had only the big cookie to eat, so I made sure to have the first cookie.
When we came up out of the cave, we came through the reception area (this place is supernatural!) It looked like a hotel lobby. The guy at the desk was like: “Um, excuse me, sir. Did you eat the big cookie?” and I was like “yes” and he said “Um, yes. The mafia will be with you shortly.”
The Israelites got pretty scared, but I just rolled my eyes and I was like “come on.” We started walking, and eventually, I noticed someone at the back of the group, asking where I was. I came back there and talked to him.
“You ate the big cookie, and I’m here to kill you,” he said. “You can’t kill me!” I said. “Oh yeah? Why not.” “Because I’m JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!” “Oh. Yeah.” awkward pause “So…” I continued “What are you doing here?” “Nothing. Nothing,” he said, and walked away. Horray! Jesus ate the big cookie, and opened the Way!
So we got to our new place and set up our new town with our huge stone temple and statues and stuff, and then this big burly guy was like “Okay. Now that that’s done, I’m in charge.” And I was like: “No way. I’m the one that ate that big cookie.” and he was like “Yes. That was very nice of you. But I’m still in charge,” and I was like: “No. I’m more powerful than the strongest man,” and pulled a stone spear out of a decoration. It started to glow. I touched it to the statue of God and spoke with his voice. I don’t remember what I said, but it was very impressive.
Then I had like 3 dreams where I tried to tell people that dream and they all got bored and never let me tell it. Once, I was trying to get people to re-enact it with legos, and I was like “Okay, here’s the part where I go to the basement and eat the big cookie!” and then I went downstairs, but when I came back up, nobody was there, and they had all thrown their toys in the trashcan, to humiliate me!
I dreamed another Gospel, too, but I forgot that one.